Sleepless in Raleigh



good morning.night. 12:41 am eastern time from a sleepless gal

Surprisingly after what is supposed to be the longest day of the year, summer solstice, I am still ringing in the season and am yet to feel tired. Well I thought I felt tired, but after laying down in bed for two hours trying to sleep with no success, I think my brain is feeling otherwise.

It is always this time of night where questions and thoughts are flowing through my head begging for answers. I get so annoyed when my brain seems to complicate my choice for a simple yes or no question. As I ponder my options and organize different opinions, random thoughts start to infiltrate. A quote that kept popping into my mind is this:

"There is nothing more you need to be, do, or have in order to be happy."

I first found this quote scrolling through Pinterest back in 2013. It encouraged me so much that day and reminded me that there was no reason for me to be moping around because I couldn't have exactly what I wanted. I felt so empowered by the reminder that I could be happy without achieving a certain status or being in a certain friend group. At the time, I had been so caught up and focused in pleasing certain people that anytime I felt the slightest rejection my mood would suddenly down spiral. Sometimes as humans we get so zoned in on our own personal goals and dreams that we forget to pause and ask God where He wants us. I have found that chasing over certain things persistently for selfish gain will just leave you with a feeling of falling short.

I love having goals and things to work harder on, but I think it is also important to reflect on what is already good in your life as well. If you are content and appreciative of where you are in life, then when something good comes, you can relish and enjoy it, instead of just trying to get, get, get and moving on onto the next big thing. I used to spend so much time working on myself because I just wanted to prove a point. I selfishly just wanted to prove to people that they were wrong about me. I wanted to just prove my worth. I should have never been so tough on myself trying to prove my worth to other people when I have a God who loves me the way I am; the way He made me.

There is the most beautiful stillness that is found in the assurance that God knows what He is doing even when you do not.

Such trivial issues I was thinking on before 12: 41 am...

-from Anna with love.